It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
