I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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