i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
