apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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