So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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