Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
