My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
bring money and cleavage
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
