so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize