i can't believe i had my finger in that
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
