whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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