Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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