I just pynch a tree in the face
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
