how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I understand Curling. That high.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
