I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
