I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize