remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
