I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
