Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
