all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Enjoy the penises
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
