We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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