I wish I only lived at night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
