So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
