I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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