I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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