Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
