thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
