Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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