You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
