At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
