yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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