Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
