Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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