you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
