So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
ttyl tear gas
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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