they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
