Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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