she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
