i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
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ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize