To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
