I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
