So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
