As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
