Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
