just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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