it was like eating out sand paper
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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