Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
