she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you had me at cake vodka
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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