i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
