I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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