Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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