...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
