I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he thought i was a dude.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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