stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm always down for nudity.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
