I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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