The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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