just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
