at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Panties = found
Randomize
