he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
