it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Rumble strips road head = magical
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
