I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
