I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
