why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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